HOW DO YOU BEGIN WRITING A PERSONAL AD?
by Paul Mauchline

How do you begin writing a personal ad? Find some time when you can think and write. Get out a pad of paper and a pen or pencil, or sit at your computer (whatever works for you). First, you must spend some time reflecting about yourself, especially your values. Brainstorm. What are the things you value most in life? Which of your values are ones about which you are unwilling to compromise? Which values are the ones that a partner either must share or, at least, must respect in you? In helping you to rule out potential partners, you may also want to consider which values you definitely would find to be incompatible with your own. In addition to contemplating your values, spend some time thinking about your qualities, talents, and strengths: What do you bring to a relationship? Also, what would your ideal relationship look like? What qualities (e.g., honesty, open communication, humor) would be present in the ideal relationship for you?
 
Once you have examined your values and these important qualities, decide which of them are essential for you to share, initially, in a personal ad. Once you have gotten clearer about yourself, your wants and your needs, then you are prepared to focus on what you are seeking in a partner. Begin to list the qualities you must have in a partner. Again, brainstorm. Remember: on this first list, there is no room for compromising. This is your life. These are the qualities you must have in a partner. Next, list the things that are not crucial but would be nice. For example, suppose that you love skiing, but you have a circle of friends with whom you go skiing. In this case, it would be nice to find someone who can ski, but it's not crucial. The right partner will complement you; he or she will share some or several of your interests and have compatible values; however, a partner need not be an identical twin with all the same likes and dislikes.
 
You may wish to enlist the assistance of a close friend or relative for any or all of the above tasks. Sometimes others see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Sometimes it is more fun to brainstorm with a friend. Sometimes it helps to bounce ideas off of someone we trust. Whether you do it on your own, or with assistance, it is important to be honest, with yourself, about what you want and what is most important to you.
 
You now have your wish list -- or as a friend of mine describes it, a love match PURCHASE ORDER TO THE UNIVERSE. It works.
 
Here are some examples from people who have been through this process:
 
Good values important. Me: single white female, 43, spiritual, attractive, professional, with holistic outlook. I enjoy nature, arts, and active simplicity. You: honest, open, value communication, character, and humor. You are active in your own evolution. Box 8736
 
Walk life's path with me. Mature, successful gentleman seeks an adventuresome, spirited female with strong family values. Love, humor, romance, passion, and commitment are ours to share. Box 8902
 
Spontaneous, romantic, attractive inside and out (no complaints so far, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder), 42 year old writer, financially independent. Lover of life, city living, tropical paradises, socializing, and meeting new people. I seek a woman who can be my lover, my best friend, my partner for life; a woman who's happy with her life and loves herself from the inside out. I'm not seeking a material girl in a material world, as Madonna sings, but I love to spoil myself and the one I'm with. I seek a woman who knows that a loving, committed relationship takes a lot of hard work and is willing, as I am, to make our relationship our top priority. Box 3875
 
Copyright © 2000-2001. All rights reserved. Paul Mauchline