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Tantric Sexersize
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Love Making Magic III
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The Blow Job Tug O' War
By Maya Lambrou

Allowing Yourself To Be Sexy Part II
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The Blow Job Tug O' War
By Maya Lambrou
A friend recently acquired the first and second seasons of "Sex and the City" on DVD. So, a group of us women decided to have a "Gals Night Out" and start watching from the top. I believe it was in the first episode, that something familiar caught my eye. Charlotte encountered an awkward moment with a fairly new partner: he kept pushing her head down toward his crotch and she kept trying to pull it up. Signals on both sides were clear: he wanted a blow job, and she was reluctant, to say the least. They were caught in what the show referred to as "the blow job tug o' war."

As the episode continued, the next time the "Sex and the City" women gathered to eat and gossip, the "blow job tug o' war" was discussed. The women had differing opinions about oral sex. As usual, Charlotte and Samantha were on opposite extremes. Charlotte basically felt: "Yuck!" Samantha said something like, "I LOVE giving head!" Miranda weighed in somewhere in the middle, with a very pragmatic approach: "I'll go down on him, if that's what I need to do to get him to go down on me." I think most women and men can relate to at least one of these opinions when they consider going down on a partner.
The "blow job tug o' war" is a tough dilemma for many women… (I say for women because there is more of a cultural expectation for women to give blow jobs than for men to satisfy women orally. Also, fewer women push men's heads toward their crotches). Suddenly, you find yourself in an awkward situation. Maybe this is the first time you have fooled around with this partner. Maybe not. Maybe you're just not in the mood tonight. Maybe you're not sure you would ever be in the mood, period. Whatever the reason, you are stuck in the "tug o' war." He is giving clear, unmistakable signs about what he wants… and you are not sure you want to give it to him.
So what do you do? You don't want to hurt his feelings. You don't want to piss him off. Things have been going well so far, and you don't want to ruin how things are going… BUT… You don't want to just give in when it doesn't feel right, either. For me, when I get in that "tug o' war," the place I usually go in my head is this: "If he won't be with me if I don't give him a blow job, then he can be with someone else! I don't need him!" I have no problem with a man giving me subtle signals that he wants my mouth on his cock, or even asking for it, but I don't respond well when a man tries forcefully to push my head down. I DEFINITELY don't want to feel pushed into it against my will! However, I don't mind giving head when the timing feels right. Generally, though, I do a much better "job" when I feel like it is more my decision, when I feel inspired, when I want to please him, and/or when the moment seems right. Men should know: Some of us just don't work well under duress!
First of all… I want to say to the women… Don't feel bad if you do not love to give oral sex. I have met plenty of women who don't exactly enjoy it. In real life, I have met only ONE woman who proclaims (like the character, Samantha) that she LOVES to do it. There are plenty of reasons why you may not enjoy it, either in general, or at a certain time. For me, the biggest and most valid concern is a health concern. In this age of AIDS and Hepatitis C, concerns about Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are very valid concerns. If you don't know whether or not your partner has been tested recently - and/or if he (or his previous partners) may have engaged in risky behavior -- then I suggest that perhaps the blow job SHOULD be a "no-go"… unless, of course, he wants to wear a condom for the occasion. However, I have YET to meet a man who was willing to do so. But remember, women, you have the right to protect your own health.
No matter what your concern is… COMMUNICATE! If you have STD concerns, tell your partner. If this is the beginning of a relationship, you may want to suggest that you both go for testing before engaging in more risky behaviors… Now, of course, there are other reasons besides the STD concerns that may put you "out of the mood." For instance, maybe he's been out all day, he's all hot and sweaty, he hasn't had a shower… and you're thinking "Eeeeewwwww!!!! You don't know WHERE it's been!" Well, it's okay to ask him to take a shower (or at least wash off his "member") first. Faced with the "nothing" vs. "shower and then get rewarded" options, your man will stop to take a quick shower if he REALLY wants his dick in your mouth… If you don't mind sucking on him, but you gag when a man cums in your mouth, then let him know the boundaries: what you are willing or not willing to do… Or, if you are like Miranda and feel that oral sex is a matter of equal opportunity, then say, "Okay, I'll go down on you, if you go down on me later."
Communication is key. It is the key to helping you create the kind of interaction you want. If you want something, ask. If you are uncomfortable with something, tell. With good communication, you can even negotiate the "blow job tug o' war."
Copyright ©2001 by Maya Lambrou
Recently discovered by The Art Of Loving, Maya Lambrou is an up and coming writer who believes men should be up and women should be cumming. Maya combines humor with useful knowledge to educate people about sex and relationships in a way that is anything but dry… because, of course, any woman would say that "sex" and "dry" don't mix: wet is better. Send your questions or topic suggestions to

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