Do you know someone who is having an affair? Have you ever had, or considered
having, an affair yourself? Why is it that so many people are cheating
on their partners? What is it that makes someone want to cheat on his
or her partner?
Affairs are not
always premeditated; sometimes they just happen. Affairs can happen
almost anywhere. They happen with people you meet at work, people you
meet at the gym, or people you meet at the local bar. They can happen
with people you have known for years, or with someone you have just
met. The nagging question in my mind is, "Why do affairs happen
at all?"
I am sure you have
all been at a social gathering, like the office Christmas party, where
the wine is flowing freely, people are flirting with one another, and
everyone is having a grand old time. With this freely flowing alcohol,
everyone is feeling great after that third or fourth drink, when all
of a sudden, the flirting gets a little out of hand. One thing leads
to another, and before you know it, two co-workers end up in bed together.
It could be just a one-night stand, or it could be the beginning of
an affair.
Another scenario:
your partner is out of town and has been doing continuous business travel
for several months. One night, one of your mutual friends drops by,
out of the blue, and you invite them in for a drink. You are feeling
lonely and welcome the company of this member of the opposite sex. Some
flirtation occurs during the evening, and before you know it, one thing
leads to the next, and you are having sex with this person.
Most of us have
witnessed affairs among people we know, and some of us even have had
affairs ourselves. This kind of thing happens in the real world, and
it happens all the time. Every time it happens, it happens for a reason.
What is the reason? There are a lot of reasons why people have affairs.
In my opinion, people have affairs because they are bored in their current
relationship, or because they have needs that are not being met within
that relationship. In some cases, they are just thrill-seekers who become
turned on by cheating on their partner. These three reasons have one
common denominator: The people who are engaging in the affair are seeking
something exciting, new and different.
Affairs begin with
two people who find each other interesting and attractive. For whatever
reason, the relationship escalates into romance and, finally, into sexual
intimacy. People who seek romance and sexual intimacy outside of their
primary relationship feel that their relationship is missing something,
so they go out and they seek it from someone else.
An extramarital
affair takes a great deal of energy. The lying, sneaking around, and
destroying of evidence all take tremendous amounts of energy. The onset
of guilty feelings about having the affair, in the first place, further
zaps whatever energy the partner having the affair might still have
left.
Why is it that people
who have affairs do not simply put this energy into improving their
relationships? It sounds like an easy concept, but, based on the vast
number of people cheating on their partners, I surmise that such is
not the case. Rational thinking indicates to me that it would be better
to focus this energy on oneself and one's partner, rather than on someone
else. I feel it is selfish to think that you can have your cake and
eat it, too, but many people clearly think this way. You have to be
honest with yourself and your partner: If you have tried everything
-- and I mean exploring every possibility, going the distance -- and
your relationship still is not working, you need to end it, so both
of you can get on with your lives.
Do not complicate
matters by having an affair. All you are going to do is end up hurting
a lot of people. That's what happens, reliably, every time, when people
have extramarital affairs.
