Educating Yourself About The Art of Loving
 
by Paul Mauchline

Katherine Anne Porter wrote, " Love must be learned, and learned again and again; there is no end to it." Katherine Anne is right: there is no end to it. Each day, we need to love ourselves. Each day, we need to demonstrate our love for our partner and family, and for all those we encounter. So how do we get to the point where we are able to show our love for others and ourselves every day? I feel that the answer lies in how we view love. In his book published in 1956, The Art of Loving, Erich Fromm describes love as an art that requires effort, knowledge and practice. To view love as an art is to imagine that the capacity for love is a seed that lies within each of us, and that growing that seed is solely our own responsibility.
 
The practice of any art requires knowledge. By virtue of the fact you are reading this article, I assume you are seeking knowledge about the art of loving. Many of us today are reading books by authors like John Gray, Barbara De Angelis, John Bradshaw, Thomas Moore, and countless others. The reason we are reading is quite simple: we are seeking more knowledge about love and relationships. It's very apparent, from the number of seminars, tapes, videos, and books available, that there is need for this type of knowledge.
 
Have you attended a seminar or read a book on relationships in the last year? Whether you have, or have not, is not important right now. What is important is that you recognize that knowledge is the first step. Take responsibility for your own education. Participating in a seminar or workshop, reading a book, and even reading this article is a gesture of loving yourself. Just do not forget that knowledge acquisition is a continuous process; it does not stop after one or two seminars, or after reading a few books. It takes effort on your part to gain the knowledge you need. Instead of just sitting watching television, you are reading this article right now, but it does not mean the effort has to end once you finish reading what I have to say here. You just may feel inspired, with new ideas on life, love, and relationships. It's up to you to put in the effort to incorporate these ideas into your life… and to keep them alive. It's not going to be easy-- it's going to require hard work and effort. You cannot change life-long habits overnight, after reading one article. Somehow, with the pace of life and the conveniences we now have, we have come to expect things to happen instantly. Improving our relationships and ourselves is about changing old habits, some of which we have had since childhood. These changes do not occur instantly, but require continuous effort over time.
 
What exactly does "effort" mean, when it comes to loving? In my opinion, effort is time and action. When you get up tomorrow morning, take the time to ask yourself: How can I be more loving to myself today? How can I give more love to my partner? What action can I take to give love today? Use your imagination to come up with creative ways of showing love for yourself and others. Take the time to follow through with your thoughts and put them into action. I am not talking about lavish gifts or tropical holidays; it's the little continuous gestures of love that count. Having a bubble bath, making yourself a special dinner, taking a mental health day from work, sleeping in, taking a drive in the country, spending time at a hobby, curling up with a good book, or even reading material like this or attending a workshop or seminar are gestures of loving yourself. You can give love to your partner in many little ways, too: A telephone call during the day to say, "Hi, how are you? I was thinking about you…," bringing home a single flower or a little gift, going for an evening walk together, giving spontaneous hugs, holding hands, giving a back rub, showering together, reading aloud to one another, or leaving a little love note on the bathroom mirror... the list goes on and on. All it takes is imagination. The possibilities are endless. Its just taking the time for each other, talking during the day, and expanding your knowledge about one another that's important.
 
We will never know everything. That is the beauty of life, and, more importantly, that is the beauty of love -- for they are really both one in the same. Remember it all starts with you. Take the time to expand your knowledge of love, and practice The Art of Loving, always, to create the loving life you deserve.
 

 
Copyright © 2000-2001. All rights reserved. Paul Mauchline