EDITOR'S MESSAGE
 
Our insatiable thirst for knowledge and advice about SEX.
 

 
Paul Mauchline, Director
The Art of Loving Institute
 
Other Memo's
 
September, 2001
Our World Under Attack

August, 2001
The most important keys to having a mature, loving relationship
 
June, 2001
Our insatiable thirst for knowledge and advice about SEX
 
May, 2001
Spring that magical season that inspires love
 
April, 2001
Youth Violence
 
Feb., 2001
Valentine's Day
 
Dec., 2000
The Power of Words
 
Sept, 2000
The Importance of Gratitude
 
June, 2000
The Lessons of Love are the Greatest Gifts we can give Ourselves and Others
 
April, 2000
The Art of Loving and
The Culture of Peace Are In Our Hands
 
Dec, 1999
Millennium Message from The Art of Loving
 

June 2001
 
My Dear Friends,
 
Today, my wanderings took me into several bookstores. This is, without a doubt, one of my favourite pastimes. I thoroughly enjoy sipping coffee and thumbing through books and magazines. As I scanned the magazine sections of several big-chain booksellers, all I saw were bold, front-page titles related to SEX!! Scores of magazines, screaming article titles such as:

20 Ways To Have Better Sex
My Husband Has No Libido
My Wife Feels That Sex Is Optional
Bedroom Boredom: Is It Inevitable?
How Can I Get My Man In The Mood?
He Is Insatiable
Loss Of Libido
He Wants Sex Too Often

In her book Enchanted Love, The Mystical Power of Intimate Relationships, Marianne Williamson shares, "It is a sad commentary on our times that so many of us know more about sex than we know about love."
 
I could not agree with you more, Marianne, for I have shared the same thought for many years. Society has an insatiable and long-time thirst for knowledge and advice about SEX. Magazines, books, newspapers, websites, television and radio feed this need for information and advice about SEX. Based on the availability of so many resources it is clear how people acquire so much knowledge about SEX. Wherever you turn these days, SEX is starring us in the face. As I witness this fixation we have with SEX, one question (which Marianne addresses) repeatedly crosses my mind:
 
What About Love?
 
Alas, I must admit that I am no different than my media colleagues. In an attempt to satisfy the every-growing demand for information about SEX, my website, www.artofloving.com, also features related content. Although many informative articles on SEX are featured, it is only a small part of the information and advice I provide my readership. The focus of this site has always been to act as a resource for advice on love, relationships, personal growth and self-development. Information and advice about SEX is only part of the messages that my contributing writers and I try to deliver via this website.
 
According to May's viewing statistics for my website, the top viewing pages-not surprisingly-were from the SEX section. Since the launch of this site, this monthly statistic remains unchanged. Another statistic is the increasing number of daily e-mails that seek advice. I would say that 8 out of 10 e-mails received are related to Sex.
 
Sifting through a dozen letters, I discover that today is no exception. Here is an e-mail that I wish to share with you. It typifies the most common problem that individuals write to me about today.
 
My wife and I had great sex when we were dating. Shortly after we got engaged she seemed to gradually lose interest however. I don't think she handles stress well, and it seemed there's always something every day that'd keep her out of "the mood." I was lucky if we had sex once or twice a month. We have a two-year-old that of course stresses her out all day and leaves her very much not in the mood at night. Except for a few vacations and when we were trying to get pregnant, it seemed we never had sex more than once a week, if even that often. I think I have become resentful of her. Even when she is in the mood, I am now having "performance problems" which I think are partly because of my pent-up anger with her. This has now become a vicious cycle and I don't know what to do. The really pathetic part was that we have not had sex since Valentine's Day, and guess what? She got pregnant that day! We were using the "rhythm method" since, after all, we didn't have sex very often. Obviously this wasn't a "safe day" as she thought. I can't believe we had sex just a few times this year and now we're having a second child - which will at least double her stress level with two kids to care for. This has made me more resentful of her. I do all I can to help her at home but it never seems to be enough. Any advice?
 
Sadly, I have read countless variations of this letter over the years. I also receive just as many letters from those seeking to revive their failed or stagnate libidos. These advice-seekers all sing the same tune, that their relationships would be better if their sex lives were better. They want sex working properly now. They all seek (from your humble correspondent) a magical, quick-fix solution to their sexual problems.
 
Consider the following from Hal and Sidra Stone's recent book Partnering: A New Kind Of Relationship.
 
"A comprehensive and satisfying sexuality in partnering does not start and end in the bedroom. You cannot separate your physical relationship from the totality of what happens between you as partners in the other aspects of your life."
 
In most cases, sexual problems are just the tip of an iceberg that contains the real problems plaguing a relationship. We need to shift our focus away from sex as the major cause of relationship breakdowns, and towards the real problems that are causing the true pain and suffering. This begins by enhancing our knowledge about love, relationship skills, and obtaining professional help when needed. Once the real relationship issues and problems are confronted, the sexual problems will disappear. When all facets of a loving relationship are working properly, sexual intimacy becomes a sweet and magical experience for a couple.
 
I encourage everyone to bookmark this website. Visit often, and take the necessary time to browse the love, relationships, singles, family, and heart & soul sections-not just the SEX section--of www.artofloving.com. The articles and information contained therein will provide the tools for elevating yourself and your relationships to a higher level of understanding and success.
 
My gratitude and thanks to our entire writing staff: Leslie, Debora, Maria, Lisa, Rachael, Mellisa, Gary, Debi (our Web mistress), and our special guest contributors. Thank you for your inspiration, insightful articles, and for making www.artofloving.com a leading Internet resource for information and advice on love and relationships.
 
To all our readers, thank you for visiting www.artofloving.com. This website changes on a monthly basis, featuring new articles and special contributions by guest authors. Come back soon! Come back often!
 
Wishing you an epic and loving day.
 
Paul Mauchline
 
Editor & Founder
www.artofloving.com
 

 
Five years ago Paul Mauchline launched an in depth North American phase of research into,"LEARNING TO KEEP LOVE IN YOUR LIFE." His new dynamic workshop series, The Art of Loving ™, promises to help you learn the skills you need to succeed in a lasting, loving relationship.
 
He is the founder and director of The Art of Loving Institute based in Providenciales, Turks & Caicos, British West Indies.
 
"I'm a researcher, writer, and speaker -- not an accredited counselor or therapist. The purpose of my life's work has been to get people to recognize that LOVE TAKES KNOWLEDGE & EFFORT. The purpose of my articles, soon to be released book, and workshop series is to provide a foundation of skills that will open doors to establish and enhance a more loving attitude towards oneself and others."
 
"THE ART OF LOVING WORKSHOP PROVIDES THE FOUNDATION FOR BUILDING A MORE PASSIONATE AND COMMITTED LOVING LIFE."