Art of Loving Advice
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- Question:
Hello. I am interested in a woman that I know at work. We have spent a
small amount of time together including three one-on-one lunch hours, a few
fifteen minute breaks, and any occasion we cross paths and have time to talk.
Lately, due to our conflicting work schedules, our only mean of
communication is via hand written letters, and occasionally on conference
calls (in which case a substantial part of the call would be non-business
related). We would leave letters for each other in discreet places,
sometimes making a treasure hunt out of the letter writing. That process had
been going on for over a month, and I finally decided to ask her out about
three weeks ago. I asked her out because of course I am attracted to her and
I want to spend more time with her, considering our job rarely permits our
interaction. I also felt that she had given plenty of signs that she is
interested in me as well. Anyhow, she wrote me a letter back that said
"maybe, it depends," and that we should talk about it. The problem is, we
never have time to talk. I tried to get her to go to lunch with me again,
and made arrangements for us to spend more time at work together, but she
wasn't that cooperative. After that I had backed off, and she told me that
she was sorry for being distant, but she needed me to be patient and that she
wanted to be friends first. She said that I am the most interesting person
she has met in a long time, that she loves my sense of humor, and she loves
me as a person all around. She confessed that she opened herself up to me
about certain things (told me stuff) and later wondered why she had done so.
She said she does not want to rush into anything and that she is afraid that
if we go out and then later break up that she would not be able to come back
to work. She said she wants to be friends more than having to worry about
that because she knows from experience that work romance doesn't work. She
said that in her opinion we are very good friends and she really really
doesn't want me to ignore or hate her anymore (she wrote a two page letter
explaining all of this after I purposely ignored her for not showing any
interest in talking with me). My question is whether she is using the friend
thing and work thing as a blow off, or if she is really sincere. The problem
is, I told her that I only wanted us to go out if she feels the same about
me. I told her that I felt it doesn't matter where two people meet; it only
matters if the right two people meet and we would only know this if we give
it a chance. I told her not to worry about us not being friends because I
will just back off of the dating idea. Now, however, I am wondering if she
said that stuff just as an excuse. I know the only way to know for sure is
to ask her again, but I don't want to be persistent and I do want to at least
be her friend, but not if she is using our friendship as an excuse not to
date. Well, thanks for any help.
Advice
- Question:
I am a newly wed... (i am only 20, my husband 22) I've been married only 3 months. I met my husband 6 years ago, he was my first love and i was his. We broke up, and 4 years passed. Over those four years a i dated ALOT more than him, and he wont seem to let that go.
The reason we broke up was because he cheated on me. he swears the girlS were lying so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and i believe him. But now he can't seem to let go of my past, and the fact that I was ever with anyone other than him.
EVERY single day we get in a fight about it and i just can't take it anymore. I don't talk about his ex girlfriends or bring them up, and i don't talk about mine either. I have noone to talk to because he gets mad if i talk to my friends about "his" business. He will be mad if he knew i emailed you too! I talk to him about this every single day, he keeps saying he'll change... i don't like my 13 month old seeing us argue all the time. What can I do?
Confused.
Advice
- Question:
I have been seeing this wonderful man for over a year now. I love him
very much and would like to eventually marry him. What I find disturbing
is I found key capture software and spy devices on my computer. He had
access to all my private mail. I got very angry about this and we broke
up. He promised not to do that again and it has been a few months now.
But just today I found that he had a tape recorder attached to my
phone!!!
I know this is not right but I love him very much and always forgive him
for this. How do I deal with this again. For once and for all.
Sad now.
Advice
- Question:
I am about a year into a relationship with a great girl, but I am having some reservations. It seems I am falling into a pattern that I have seen before, where I try to be the best guy I can, giving my partner whatever I have to give (e.g. back rubs, cooking dinner, writing little love note).
While my female friends say that I am a perfect catch, my girlfriend has started taking me for granted. Our sex life has also taken a big dive, from about 4-5 times a week to about once a month, if that. For a while, I was initiating sex and creating intimate lead-ins, but after a few negative responses, I began to take it personally. I won't allow myself to be a doormat to her and have explained that I don't feel as appreciated as I used to, but it only leads to bickering and more frustration. As I said, this happened with my last girlfriend, and the result was a lot of resentment and negativity. How can I present how I am feeling in a non-confrontational way?
Advice
- Question:
Im 20 and I've been going out with a guy (also 20) for about 4 months and its going really well. Now the problem is that i'm leaving the country soon, in a month in fact, to return home to my country to finish the final year of my college degree.
He has said several times that he'd love to come join me and work in my country, as he has no ties here, and he'd like to improve his english a lot, but at the moment i just dont see him doing anything about it. I do believe that he really wants to go, but right now he is between jobs and hasnt got much money. Im sure he will find one within the next few weeks, but I'd really like to get a straight answer from him about whether he has even thought about what he wants to do.
I dont want to be a nag, but I feel I have a right to know. For me, continuing a relationship when there is a strong possibility that it will end within the next month (because i have to leave) seems pointless. I dont have a problem generally with living for the moment, but i do have a problem with getting hurt.
He is a good person and i believe him when he says he cares for me, i know he is not the type to use a girl. So, how do i go about asking him this question and getting an answer without pressurising him, or making him feel i dont trust him? Do i need to wait longer? Please help!
Advice
- Question:
I'm desperate because you can't help me, but as you suggested me I'll try to write you my problem in only few paragraphs (but please somehow also try to refer to the last mail I gave with the subject "help me to feel serenity"). Note: If you are going to put this mail on your web site, copy only the part that begins now from the next sentences in the next line>
A month and a half ago I suffered through a critical depression caused by fear of my past and exaggerating of the things that were stressing me out. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful girlfriend and the biggest fear was of that I could lose her if I confess her all my fear, or reasons of fear, or things that would hurt her. The depression and long irrational thinking was a consequence of those unstoppable fears. I've managed to overcome few of these fears but now my main problem is that my passion and libido are in very critical status and I'm afraid can it be normal again for me, will I be able to feel all the beauty of love and life. I'm also frustrated that I've practically killed with my depression a will to set in the bed or chair and to think about all the possibilities, fantasies and all the positive things, because I'm too occupied with my negative thoughts. Actually I badly want to do such a things, to think about how life is beautiful and how I have nothing to worry about, but I can't. Please tell me what should I expect after this depression concerning my passion. I'm also frustrated because instead of thinking of something positive or just enjoying a presence of my girlfriend, I'm always keeping on my mind (against my will) that there is something wrong about me. Please advise me...Thank you
Advice
- Question:
I WOULD LIKE YOU TO MAIL ME ALL POSSIBLE STEPS IN CONVERSATION MANNERS TO HELP ME WIN MY HEART'S DESIRES WHICH IS A GIRL IN
MY SCHOOL.I WOULD ALL THE WORDS AND STEPS I CAN USE WHICH WILL
LEAD TO A PROPOSAL WITHOUT BEING REJECTED.
I WILL BE VERY THANKFUL IF MY REQUEST SI PUT UNDER YOU
CONSIDERATION.
Advice
- Question:
Hi yes i was just wondering what are the chances of any person marrying their
first love? This is my first girlfriend and i've dated many girls before but
i feel like she's the one. We've been goin out for two years now. But i was
just curious what are the chances of someone marrying their first love.
Thanks :)
Advice
- Question:
im 18 and have had sex with several different partners, but i dont enjoy it.
is there something wrong with me, i feel like such a freak, and its sounds
really stupid but the only way i can describe it is that i feel like dead
inside, like im just numb!!!
all of my friends talk about how good it is, and so id just feel stupid
confiding in them
your my only hope!!!!
thanx
Advice
- Question:
Hi, My name is W. I've been friends with a girl, my dream girl, since i was a
junior in high school. At one point she made me very happy in my life, seeing
as I'm a manic depressive. But then I asked her to the prom and told her how
much that I loved her. But I only meant it as a friend. She was going out
with a guy at the time, that was treating her like crap,and she learned from
it. Well I fell for her and she turned me down, but the friendship continued.
About a week ago she fell for a guy and he turned her down(what an idiot). So
we hung out and I kept feeling that if she'd give me the chance I'd show her
happiness. but once again she turned me down. But honestly all I've ever
wanted to hear from her is that she cared about me the same way I do her. And
now I'm afraid she doesn't want anything to do with me,and she's leaving in 4
weeks. How can I convince her that I just love her and that's that? thanks,
Advice
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