Art of Loving Advice
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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- Question:
I have been dating this girl now for about a year and two months. For
the first six months of our relationship everything was perfect, we got
along great, etc. However, at about the six month point she moved away
to try a new career move, anyway after about two months she wound up not
liking the move and came back to town. Ever since she has been back she
has been getting gradually more and irritable. The failed move along
with landing a job that she doesnt rally like that has bad hours in
comination with some of her imediate family members going through some
life-changing problems have made her extremely hard to deal with. One
week she will tell me how great I am and it may be time to move in
together- and the next week she wants a break from eachother. This has
left me really confused. Anyway, on the last of these episodes, I just
told her that I could not deal with this roller coaster anymore- so we
broke up. I love her dearly and could spend the rest of my life with her
if she were to overcome the chip on her shoulder. She says that she is
just really confused at this point in her life and it is nothing to do
with me or her feelings for me. I have done everything i can to be there
for her and try to help her through her hard times- I can honestly say
that I could have done nothing more to make things work.
I believe that she wants to get back together when she has her problems
ironed out- and that would be ok with me - but i just do not want to go
back to feeling like a door mat. Also, i am not sure that her self
discovery process will not a long, long time- and I do not feel like I
should have to wait for her forever. I do love her absolutley, though.
presently, she is healing herself at the bar with her recently divorced
brother- I think she may need to see a counselor- but i know she would
never do so. I am a very good guy, and deserve to be treated with
respect, I love this girl to death, but am unsure about things. i
sometimes feel like the best thing would be to just let go, but this
would be hard- i would miss her alot and always wonder about how things
could have gone. what do you think.
confused
Advice
- Question:
This is my first time here so bear with me. I have been with a wonderful man for the past 6 years. He holds a very important position in a company. We have to attend many business functions together. Recently we attended one that he was hosting. I began with a few glasses of wine. He kept telling me to slow down as wine and I don't agree. For some reason that I still haven't figured out I drank myself into a state that I can't recall the last part of the evening. I woke the next morning to find him IRATE with me. He had a cut under his eye. I have multiple bruises and cuts on me. He proceeded to tell me how I had totally embarrassed him and that he had lost all credibility that he had with the people that work for him. If that weren't bad enough, two men that he works with had to bring me home kicking and screaming. I apparently proceeded in telling him how much I hated him. I don't remember doing this at all. In one night I have managed to ruin his credibility at work and possibly our relationship. I am a social drinker if that. I have hurt him badly and I can't even defend my actions because I don't remember. I don't know how to fix what I have done. He has to go to work everyday and feel people talking about him behind his back. Then has to come home to me. I love him very much and would never do anything intentionally to hurt him. I need some help here because I done extreme damage to a relationship that was so good for 6 years. I have told him that I will not drink again but that is not worth much if he's not with me. Please don't print this and a reply would be greatly appreciated.
Memory Lost
Advice
- Question:
Hello, I hope this letter follows the appropriate path to the advice
service, for that is precisely what I am looking for. I am 23 years old and
currently in law school, I am dating a 21 year old who is entering her
senior year at the university. We have been dating for approximately 11
months and we both feel that this could be "it." And I stress the word
'could' because I am not sure whether or not I am being given 100% from my
partner. I feel as if she is not appreciative of the way I treat her. I feel
as if she is taking advantage of me and I am not sure whether I should stay,
leave, or give her more time.
A little background, of course, is needed. As stated above, I am in law
school and so my perspective on certain subjects is quite different from
those around me. I was raised to do things right and to do them right the
first time. I am a strict believer in performing my best in every facet of
my life, no matter if the situation involves tic-tac-toe or fatherhood. So,
naturally, I feel it is my duty to be the best boyfriend a woman could ask
for. I don't mean for the situation to sound like a job because I truly
enjoy giving her my all, but my mindset is to be better than average. To
accomplish this, I write her poems, leave her 'love' messages, buy her
flowers at least 3 times a month, give her daily massages, and spend as much
time as possible with her. I am loyal and have never cheated on her and I
work out religiously so that I can be everything for her, both mentally and
physically. I also love to please her sexually, giving as much as I receive
and even rent out a fancy hotel every so often so that we can get out of the
house and enjoy wine and fruit together. I try and do everything a boyfriend
could possibly do; I am even interested in what she has to say! I am sure
that I love her, she is interesting, intelligent, funny, and, without a
doubt, the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on!
Now here is the problem. I feel that I have far exceeded any expectations
she has had of what a boyfriend should be and now she has come to expect it.
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem treating her like my princess forever
but it just seems as though she no longer appreciates me or the things I do
for her. My girlfriend loves me very deeply, I know this, but the problem
lies in projecting that love outward. She doesn't treat me bad, though, in
fact, she does qualify for the 'average girlfriend' title but I want the
same things she wants, what everybody wants; 'the best'. I have given it to
her and I simply want the same.
Recently, she has been getting ready to move into a new apartment and so she
has been working longer hours to get everything paid for, so things have
been a little stressful, no problem, I could understand. But the day after
she moved in, I came over, brought some sunflowers to lighten the place up,
bought her some blueberry muffins so she could have breakfast (sometimes
things are so hectic she doesn't get to eat), and brought here favorite
protein supplements for her to eat during her long workday, and I don't even
get a 'thank you'. I don't know what to do. This was all on the fly, she
didn't ask for any of it, I just did it to help her out a bit. This is not
always the case, but it is getting closer and closer by the day. I talk to
her about it and she tells me she will change but we've had this
conversation before and as a result, I have to resort to getting advice off
the internet!
I feel this is all my fault because I have spoiled her, she knows I won't
treat her badly, and knows that I won't leave her. I think everybody should
be treated the way they want to be treated and that is why I treat her this
way, because I want exactly the same things; so it is impossible for me to
lower my goal of being the best boyfriend I could be.
Will things ever change? Should I find someone else? Do I give her an
ultimatum? How do I get through to her that I am serious about this matter
and that the last thing I want to do is end this relationship? Beautiful
women let their boyfriends treat them like dirt everyday (I know, I have got
plenty of male friends) and yet, those are the guys they treat the best. I
don't get it, I have tried to fulfill the dreams of my girlfriend yet I am
under appreciated.
Thanks, Law Boy.
Advice
- Question:
Hi, 10 months ago I met an amazing girl (she's 18, I'm 21), we fell for each
other. I was living with my best friend Jesse @ the time. She was living in
a noisy apartment building by herself. At 4 months we decided to find a new
place and move in together. Everything was awesome until my job called for
me to work in far away logging camps (7 days on 7 days off, which is a
pretty good shift considering its usually 10 on, 4 off, or 14 on, 7 off).
She felt like crap and I felt sad but had been through it many times with
family and friends. I realized that sensual relationships never did work
when I was at camp so I quit my job. It's been a few weeks and I haven't
told my dad (who put me through 2 years of college so I could get my job).
Here's the problem, we love each other to death but she wants to move out
and be on her own for a while. I don't know if I can handle that. I've given
up so much for her. I asked her if she could find another way, maybe a new
hobby, or sport. I even suggested that she stay at home while I go away for
a while since she cannot leave due to work responsibilities. If she moves
out it would hurt me incredibly (like it hurt my best friend, hmmm, sounds
like karma). Please help.
P.S. I don't think I'm being a bad boyfriend, she just wants time for herself.
Advice
- Question:
I know a girl who was very interested in me. We have been out a couple of times and had a great time. She started a new job a couple of weeks ago. I went on a vacation for a week. She told me to call her as soon as I got back from my trip. I did, that was a week ago? She never got back to me? I haven't called her back since. I am kind of upset because every time I try to reach her I can't? She is a very busy woman. But she told me things like how wonderful a person I am and that she thought it was destiny for us to meet like we did. We met at work but she has since left the company. I just don't understand it? I find it incredibly frustrating? I am giving her a lot of space and time to get back to me and she doesn't? I feel it is very one sided because she never calls me? I don't feel reciprocated. What should I do?
Advice
- Question:
I have been married to my husband for 7 years and we have 2 kids.
A few years ago I caught him on the internet at some gay websites and getting
some emails from gay males. I tried to talk to him about this, but he
totally denied anything and made it seem like he was getting these emails by
accident (someone else has a close screenname or some excuse like that...)
Anyway...now he has been acting suspiciously again when it comes to the
computer...getting up really early and spending lots of time under a
screenname he has a private password for....I have the password and though it
may make me into a bad person, my suspicions have gotten the worst of me and
I have snooped. Actually, he gave me the password so I could add a new
screen name for myself and then he began clearing out his old mail and sent
mail...probably so I wouldn't see it. SO....I have checked into his files a
few times and have seen that he has been emailing pics back and forth (all
men, all penis shots, etc) for a couple of months at least....now this
morning I have seen an email about being online at a specific time to set up
something....upon checking the profile of the person he was I AM FREAKING
OUT!!!! I am just sick with the thought that he will act upon some urges he
is having, but I don't know how to approach this subject....no doubt he will
flip because I have snooped and invade HIS privacy....and try to ignore the
whole topic that concerns me--that of violating our marriage vows and
straying. Any show that has gay characters is one he watches (LOVES Qweer as
Folk).....wondering what to do....in a state of panic. What should I do????
Thanks for any advice you can offer!
Advice
- Question:
Hi. I need some advice. I am a 32 yr old male who has never had a relationship. I didn't have a girlfriend in high school and after HS fell for a girl who had no interest in me.
I took it pretty hard. Since then (12 years) I never made an effort to approach anyone and have actively pushed girls away from me. 6 weeks ago I finally found it in me to change but I'm finding it hard to meet anyone. My big problem is that I am having a hard time because I can't seem to make any effort in a girl that I have no interest in.
I know this is going to sound juvenile, but should I date someone that I have no interest in hoping I will develop some feelings for them? There are some girls I know who are interested in me but I don't want to lead them on. Am I expecting too much too soon? I recently found someone I'm interested in but it's one sided and I don't want this to affect me. Should I just date these girls and gain some experience or keep looking until I find someone I'm interested in who in turn is interested in me.
I know this request sounds ridiculous but I really would appreciate some help with this. Thank You..........B
Advice
- Question:
I have been mentally torturing myself about an affair I had in a past
relationship. I dated the same person from age 16 to 22. He was nine years
older than me. When we started dating I thought he was perfect for me and
that I would never do anything to hurt him. I cheated on him with one of my
friends when I was a senior in high school. I immediately told him and
begged for his forgiveness. It took a long time, but he finally trusted me
again. He traveled a lot for work and about a year later I found out that he
had an affair while he was out of town. We were able to work things out
after a while. I stayed with him, but I always had doubts. I guess I was
never brave enough to leave him when I knew I should because I was
comfortable. I kind of grew up with him. He was with me while I was in high
school and when I began college. I was very tempted to date other people
when I started college, but I felt committed to him. My third year in
college we started to have a lot of problems. He was not in school and did
not have a stable job. I always tried to encourage him to do more and to set
goals, but he never did. He was not very responsible. He never paid bills
on time unless I did it for him. His car was repossessed, etc. I still
stayed with him because he truly has a good heart, but just not a lot of
direction. I thought he would change. I guess that was my mistake. I began
to resent him because I was working hard while he would sleep all day and
hang out with his friends. One night I went out with my boss and a guy that
I worked with. We had too much to drink and I ended up sleeping with him. I
slept with him three times. I have never felt so disgusted with myself. It
is hard for me to believe that I was capable of doing the one thing that I
knew would crush my boyfriend. He forgave me the first time, but I did not
have the courage to tell him about the second time. I knew that the
relationship had to end. I stayed with him until I was financially able to
move out on my own. I left him not only because I cheated on him again, but
also because I was unhappy with the relationship itself. I knew that I
needed to date other people while I was in college, otherwise I would miss
out on the whole experience. I left him about eight months ago and started
to date other people. It felt so good to know that I had finally done it,
but at the same time, I felt sad because I missed him very much. The problem
now is that he is having a hard time getting over our relationship ending. I
feel like he would not have such a hard time if he really knew what I had
done to him. I feel an overwhelming sense of guilt. I don't know if I
should tell him. I don't want to hurt him anymore. The thought of him
knowing what I did makes me physically sick. I know that I should pay the
ultimate price for my actions. Should I let him heal with time or should I
be honest about my mistake in the past? I feel like I should just live with
the guilt and let him get on with his life. The level of guilt I feel is
unbelievable. I find it hard to forgive myself. I have asked God to forgive
me and I know it is important to forgive yourself, but I just don't think I
can. I even doubt my ability to be faithful in other relationships because I
let it happen with two people. I hate what I did and I can't stand myself
for it. Please help me.
Advice
- Question:
I need help! I am completely clueless about French kissing!! I understand how much to open my mouth and what to do with my tongue, but what exactly am I supposed to DO with my lips? When people in the movies French kiss, their lips are moving, but I do not understand what they are doing! My boyfriend tried to teach me, but I still don't get it!
Advice
- Question:
My boyfriend and I have been together over 4 years and have lived together
for the last 3. We just have one problem, I want to get married and have
children, and he is not sure what he wants from life. He has told me he's not
"motivated" to get married. I have said before that I won't wait forever for
him, and will leave him. This is the man I want to spend my life with and
feel that he is the one. Do I leave a great relationship with a very sweet
and loving man to try for another relationship that could result in marriage
and children? He just turned 31 and I will turn 31 in a couple of months.
I've been in two other long- term relationships, never married. He on the
other hand, married his high school sweetheart who left him less than a year
later. That was about 9-10 years ago. Help
Advice
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