Art of Loving Advice
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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- Question:
Hi my name is "A" and i have been married for three years now and we have
three children,all under 6 years.i am writing for advice on something that
has been a real problem for our whole relationship .about 6 years ago we
began to put thought into being with another woman and since then i havent
felt the same.he is a very sexual person and since the kids i have definatly
lost some of my drive.he gets mad when im not in the mood for a (fantasy)and
i feel awful the next day.i give him oral almost every night no matter
what.whether im not felling good or i am tired.i feel like its turning into a
job to releive him.and i definatly feel the passion is gone.we fight all the
time about the threesome thing and at times i beg him to just forget it
because its ripping us apart there are so many questions i want to ask
-A
Advice
- Question:
I have been living with a woman for 8 months. It is my first long term gay relationship, her 4th. We are both in our
early 40's.I love and adore her very much.
This is my problem. We were constantly having difficulties (usually not between us though) due to her ex and I did
not feel I could have peace of mind and us find happiness together if her ex played an active part of our
life....hating me and loving her. We never went more than 72 hours without her calling to talk. I did not know how to
deal with the constant rollercoaster of friendly then hateful.
I've spent every dime of my inheritance buying a home/business for us. I bought it 6 months into the relationship.
And I went ahead with the purchase because Jo told me she was severing all ties to her ex when we moved. I told
her I could not live like this, in fact I had looked at another piece of property for myself. She assured me again that
she was severing all ties, so I bought the property for us. In less than 48 hours the ex not only had our number and
had called but was here at the house. I felt very betrayed and hurt. Now at 8 months they still talk but less
so...usually during the day on the cell phone I pay for and she calls the house at night a couple of times a week. A
couple of weeks ago the ex wanted to end the "friendship" between them and for a week there were no calls. It
was heaven, pure heaven. Then she changed her mind again. J tells me she loves me and I believe her but she
wants to remain friends with her ex, even though the ex hates me and I am not welcome anywhere around her.
I realized after the "heaven" week that I could not deal with the ex being a part of MY life. Life is too short to deal
with anyone that hates you when there is no reason to even see or talk to them. Now my problem is this....I won't
ask her to choose between us but I know if I am unhappy I will make her unhappy and if the friendship with her ex
means that much to her then I have to let her go.
J feels that I am way to sensitive over the issue. Maybe I am because at times I feel like she is making a fool out of
me, but I feel what I feel anyway. They were only together 2 1/2 years and J has told me and even her ex that she
was never in love with her anyway. I guess I feel that she cannot be in a committed relationship to me when she is
unable to let go of the past relationship for whatever reason.
How can I trust her as a business partner if I feel I can't trust her when it comes to the ex? Should I go ahead and
let go before I get any further hurt? If I go ahead with the business venture then I want a written agreement that the
ex will not be allowed on our property nor will she benefit in any way from the business, directly or indirectly. I feel
that is right and fair. So please advise...am I being silly or a fool?
-M
Advice
- Question:
I've been dating this guy on and off for a couple of years now. things
start out going really well but then after a few months, we hit the same
road block. he seems perfectly happy and says so but i am having difficulty
dealing with some things. i think we truly love each other and want to work
it out this time but we need some help getting past the "road block." i am
religious (Christian), and he is a very new Christian as well. i am 20, he's
26. the first issue is that he is very busy, he's getting his MBA at a top
grad school and his schedule is very demanding. he rarely makes time to
even eat or sleep and we only see each other once a week and talk on the
phone now and then. i don't feel like much of a priority but i am trying to
be patient because i know he is very devoted to his schoolwork (and
stressed) and that he does want to spend time with me. before he went to
grad school, we spent tons of time together, so i know that he does care.
the second issue is that, although my faith (and keeping sex to marriage as
much as possible) are very important to me, intimacy is very, very important
as well. he seems satisfied, and i know he finds me very attractive but he
never initiates anything anymore, and often turns me down as well. we've
talked about it- he isn't sure what the problem is but i typically just end
up crying because i feel so terrible. all of my friends say they can't keep
their boyfriends and husbands off of them for more than 5 minutes and i
can't seem to get mine to pay attention for more than a few seconds... it
really hurts, but i know that relationships take work and am willing to be
patient. i can't shake the feeling that it can work out, we just need to
work through some things. the odd thing is that when we are drunk, we are
all over each other and everything is fine. he says there is too much
stress surrounding the issue now so maybe that's why he just avoids it
altogether. please help,
-E
Advice
- Question:
I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 months. Recently we discovered that he has herpes, which we assume he has contracted from
me, without me ever having shown any signs of it. He has always had problems dealing with my past, and that i had a boyfriend for
quite awhile. It makes him feel awkward and uncomfortable when I mention anything about my past. Now with this, he sees it as a
constant reminder of my past (i was unaware that i was a carrier), and we're not sure how to deal with that, or the fact that he has the
symptoms of herpes. My question is: how do we work together to help him get over my past, and not get awkward and weird, and not
dwell on it, and how should we deal with the fact that he has herpes symptoms.
-C
Advice
- Question:
Until July of last year, my fiancé and I had been in a long
distance relationship for 2.5 years. During this period, I went through a
serious crisis because of his blatant womanizing in the beginning of our
relationship, as well as the fact that he was still living with his
girlfriend (I was in the US, he lived in Italy) and, though I found out
later that they were not sexually involved, the last 7 months of our
relationship, I was unfaithful to him 3 times (he had been unfaithful two
times during the previous summer but I only found this out when I finally
moved to Europe with him in July). I finally told him about what I did and
now we are in a terrible period, complete with arguments, physical
confrontations, and insults. He canīt seem to forgive me and feels hurt
because he thought I was faithful when I wasnīt. To get "information", he
has made me email all of my previous lovers, friends and even family in the
period, making me speak on the phone while he listens and generally going to
every extreme to get every detail of those relationships. We have a few
weeks of peace, which are wonderful, then he explodes and starts attacking
me, telling me he will never marry me, that he regrets breaking up with his
ex-girlfriend over me because she was better than me and last night, made me
call my step-sister and insult her because of her role in helping me be
unfaithful.
I just donīt know how to stop this insanity. What is worse is we are in a
foreign country (Germany) where we donīt know a soul and it breaks my heart
to leave him in this condition but I am really fearing for my safety in
everyway. I think everyone here has made a mess and we have to move on but
he canīt.
What can I do? I feel like my namesake.
-H
Advice
- Question:
We have been married ten years. When ever I get affectionate with
my husband, he acts indifferent. I ask him about making love. He says, "we
can" They really turns me off. Especially when I have to bring up the
subject. There was a time we had sex two or three times a week, before he
had a radial prostacomy. Now, it might be two or three times a year. It does
not have to having intercourse all the time. Some times I just want to be
hugged and kiss. Which he freely gives to other woman...
-D
Advice
- Question:
My name is A, I meet this girl K at a new year's party , she was there
with some guy but i started talking to her and after a few hours she ended
up sleeping at my place! we had sex. She gave me her mobile phone number.
after that we went on a date twice i finshed the first date and did not
kiss her, tough i drove her back home, in the mean time she gave me her
phone nomber and keept sending me electronic greetingcards with kisses and
mising u and stuff, but when we were togather she showed the interest in me
one second and the other second she acted like we were just friends,on the
second date we kind of realy had fun i allso gave her some candies and she
accted like she was realy happy, i kissed her when wllking her to her car.
she asked me to send her mail when she was leaving, i told her i laready did
that just when i was leaving for the date so she sayed she vill send me
mail, and she did the next day ...what she is doing and general and ended
with kiss K. after two days i send her e- mail back and she did not reply
and again after 2 day i send her an SMS ahe did not reply...
so today it is one month and eight days since we meet.
what should i do?
is she just playing with me so i get hot for her or is she giving me signs
that she does not like me or that she meet another guy or something?
thank you amd sorry for my spelling english is not my first language
-A
Advice
- Question:
My name is ? (but please, if you decide to publish this on your web site - use another name or something). This is
the first time I have come across your web site...so I am not sure how it works...
However, my problem is regarding the parents of my girlfriend. I love her, I lover her alot. Although we do not plan
to get married now...we have made a sure commitment to get married in 4-5 years...and yes, I do realise there is
no such thing as a sure thing...but this is as close as it gets...
The problem is, my gf's parents expect a richer future son-in-law. My gf's father however, even though he (rightfully)
expects me to have a good job and on the way to saving for a house by the time I want to marry her - is giving me
time to prove myself.
However, her mother is a little more impulsive and narrow minded. I mean, I have just graduated from a Master's
degree - so I need a little time before the money starts rolling in (hopefully). In an argument with my gf, she (gf
mother) was very careful not to say it - but she also implied strongly that a richer bf would be better (e.g. by
supporting her friend's opinion that my gf should be sent to the USA, as there are many rich Indonesian guys
there).
I am really angry that she can make such an opinion on me. I mean, I know she works hard to take care of her
family..but the fact is she hasn't had the pressure of earning money for the whole family (her husband does that) -
therefore, she wouldn't really know how hard it is to find a job, and the time it takes to be successful. In other
words, I think she is the one who is spoilt....
Man, I know its fair enough for her to expect any future son-in-law to be at least capable. But its like she already
hates me, and not giving me time to prove myself. Yet, she has the audacity to ask me to send her to the airport,
help her find furniture etc.....
What is your advice? Hehe, I already promised myself (with my Gf's support) that if I do get alot of money in the
future, I will not tell them at all, but say "Up yours" - not literally, but by driving past in a Ferrari or something...
Seriously though, I really need some advice on how to deal with this....Should I talk with the father 1 to 1?
Yours sincerely,
-?
Advice
- Question:
I live in australia and i came from sri lanka recently. It is that i know a
girls that i love her so much and i told her about my feelings to her but the
problem is that there is know response from her and it is being going on for
about one year or so, also my family is not allowing this relationship to
happen because they dont like this girl, but i dont mind that, I realy love
this girl and I just want an answer can you please give me an advice on
whether there is any other way of expressing my feelings specialy now that
iam out of the country. -A
Advice
- Question:
I'm dating someone who has a child from a prior relationship. I am really
having a hard time accepting her relationship with her daughter's family. It
seems to bother me when she is around them and it has taken a toll on our
relationship. I have recently realized that I should not put her under this
pressure of having to in the middle of this conflict. I fear that it is too
late to save this relationship. I do not want to lose her. She is under a lot
of pressure from being a single mother and supporting herself economically. How
can I get over this grudge in me in order to make this relationship work, and
how can I convince her that this is going to work? I no I can handle it know
because I realize the importance of this matter and i would one day want to
marry her. Please help I don't want to lose her over this because deep down
we both still have love for one another.
Sincerly, R Advice
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