Art of Loving Advice
Question:
Hi, 10 months ago I met an amazing girl (she's 18, I'm 21), we fell for each
other. I was living with my best friend Jesse @ the time. She was living in
a noisy apartment building by herself. At 4 months we decided to find a new
place and move in together. Everything was awesome until my job called for
me to work in far away logging camps (7 days on 7 days off, which is a
pretty good shift considering its usually 10 on, 4 off, or 14 on, 7 off).
She felt like crap and I felt sad but had been through it many times with
family and friends. I realized that sensual relationships never did work
when I was at camp so I quit my job. It's been a few weeks and I haven't
told my dad (who put me through 2 years of college so I could get my job).
Here's the problem, we love each other to death but she wants to move out
and be on her own for a while. I don't know if I can handle that. I've given
up so much for her. I asked her if she could find another way, maybe a new
hobby, or sport. I even suggested that she stay at home while I go away for
a while since she cannot leave due to work responsibilities. If she moves
out it would hurt me incredibly (like it hurt my best friend, hmmm, sounds
like karma). Please help.
P.S. I don't think I'm being a bad boyfriend, she just wants time for herself.
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You both are very young, and quite frankly need time to grow. Don't take it personally that your girlfriend wants space right now. It was your choice to give up your job. Please don't cry to me that you have given up so much for her. This does not fly with me --- these were all your choices. No one should make sacrifices for a relationship unless they want to make those choices. Many people work shift work. Your shift does not sound at all bad. Many couples live and love together under far worse conditions. I would respect her decision, and see what happens. Stop feeling sorry for yourself -- you will survive. Get on with your life!!
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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