Art of Loving Advice
Question:
Hi. My name is L.L. I have a problem that requires a lot of explanation, so here goes.
I was in an abusive marriage for 9 years. I got out 21 months ago. 15 months ago I met the most wonderful man in the world.
The problem is that he asked me to move 1600 miles away from home to be with him. He moved here to be with his children. I have no family there except for my X-inlaws, so I agreed. Things have been hard here. His X-wife is a real pain and his 4 kids have, at times, given me hell. He even canceled our wedding 1.5 hours before because one told him not to marry me. We plan to marry in August. Things are finally beginning to settle down and I am adjusting. Now our only real problem is my 2 kids. They want to go back "home" They say they hate it here and would do anything to go back. I love my kids more than anything or anyone and everyone knows this. So basically it comes down to who has more right to be happy, me or my children. Some tell me that after 9 yrs. of torture by their father I have a right to be happy with a wonderful man who spoils me rotten. Some say a good mother would do whatever she could to make her kids happy. That is what I believe too. My kids are back home visiting for the summer so I need to know in the next couple of weeks what to do. My X has never been a real father but now, suddenly wants the kids near him back there. He has even offered to pay my moving expenses.
Unsure How to Feel
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I would suggest you read my article on "Priorities" in the love section of my web site.
If you truly love this man, and he loves you --- what is stopping you from committing? I do have my concerns of your wedding being cancelled 1.5 hours before the fact because of one of his children. Children in my opinion should not be the # 1 priority in your life. They are borrowed from the universe for a short period of time before they make their own way in the world.
With love and understanding your children will adjust over time. You need to do some soul searching based on your happiness --- not your children, his children, ex spouses etc.
Paul Mauchline,
The Art of Loving Institute
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